Tuesday, June 28, 2005

That Monday morning feeling even though it's clearly Tuesday!

I’m not at all sure about today. I woke up this morning and although it’s clearly Tuesday I am burdened with a distinct Monday morning feeling and I realised that one of the things that mr lupus is currently doing is robbing me of focus and I am angry about it.

A quote I recently came across keeps ringing in my head “what you focus on is what you miss” which clearly explains the problem. Sitting here amidst this pile of drugs, hospital appointments (I’ve got two today), fatigue and general discomfort it becomes really hard to see anything else which then really begs the question what kind of life is this?

I know that there are people worst off than me but somehow that provides little comfort or solace to these feelings of inadequacy. Some how all of this makes me feel less than but then again that’s just probably Prednisolone talking on its downward curve.

But that’s okay I know what mr lupus is up to he’s simply trying to keep me in doors all to himself. He seems to be that possessive kind of guy, but I’m not going to let him. I think we’ve spent far too much exclusive time already. In fact we’ve probably spent more ‘quality’ time together than most marriages these days.

Talking about marriages I’ve recently joined a dating agency, well a girl needs a bit of TLC every now and then and that seemed to be the only way to get some from the comfort of my sofa. No thunderbolts or lightening rods have struck on Love Street yet but I am quietly optimistic and it sure beats the feelings of unattractive and undesirable. So watch this space I may have something to report.

I’ve decided to create my own antidote to today, well I’ve always been able to see the silver lining in the clouds, I am going to get out. Okay I know that I need to pace myself, drink plenty of water, stay out of the sun etc. but it has to be healthy to get out more in environments where the question how are you feeling today is not the main topic of conversation. This sitting in the house ‘resting’ obviously isn’t all that it is cracked up to be. So today between hospital appointments I’m gonna get some fresh air and go sit in the park. I might even take a picnic. Feel free to join me.

Thought for the day
Go out to deliberately create Memory Moments (I’ve just coined that phrase, hooray my creative juices are flowing again). Get yourself a scrapbook and name it your mountaintop journal and in it write, draw, stick pictures of the things that you are experiencing that make you laugh, make you smile or make you cry with joy so that in those dark, uncomfortable moments you have something to look back on to help lift the fog and move you forward.


Anonymous said...

I appreciate your strength in going through this. You are not alone; I am always with you. You will forever be in my thoughts and will be remembered in my prayers.

However, I am very disappointed Ms Pike thought you were all mine

Anonymous said...

And here3 goes the smiley :)

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