I would have let you know earlier but mr lupus was playing with my hands and the experience was such an amazing one that I couldn't really focus on anything else. It was something that I had never felt before (and to be perfectly honest will be quite happy if I never feel it again).
I was also disappointed that I managed to fall at the first hurdle with one of my major 'resolutions' for 2009. Having discovered that the power of asking for what you want is more likely to help you get it (providing you are not being selfish of course) I promised myself that I was going to exercise my right to 'ASK' in 2009 on the belief that the universe and everyone in it is willing to help and answer my call!
And then it happened.
I woke up and realised that things were not quite as they should be. My hands refused to comply, my balance was a bit off and the dreaded pains in my legs were my morning companion. I am not sure whether it was at this point that I thought I should visit 'that place' or whether the effort to squeeze toothpaste or turn on the tap alerted me to the fact that my body was not quite operating as it should.
Now you'd think that all of this would be pretty straight forward, I'm not doing too good, I need some help and I know where to go and get it but due to the 'hand' challenges driving was out of the question, (although it did cross my mind) but still I didn't ask.
I cancelled a workshop that I was doing that day for obvious reasons, made a call to a friend on the same road but on no answer I left a rather jovial message on the machine and carried on with my morning (albeit slowly) as though there was nothing wrong. I got a call back from my friend who had also been called by the person I called to cancel the workshop to check that I had ‘asked’ My friend was appalled that I hadn't 'asked' her to take me to the hospital and quite frankly so was I.
Having gotten over that, I arrived at my least favourite place in style and spent the time entertaining the medical team, well they have a challenging enough days without me adding to it.
I lay around for hours half naked on a gurney and then on the assessment ward, which might have been quite exciting if it wasn’t a public place, I wasn’t in pain and I wasn’t alone (well my friend was with me for most of the time) but I did manage to connect with a patient who softly enquired ‘Did I hear that you had lupus? My sister has lupus can I ask you a few questions?
I put my pain and situation to one side and did my usual encouraging thing, pointers to look out for and ways in which she can help oh and for good measure I gave her my number should she or her sisters ever wish to call. Not bad for an afternoon’s work.
And then they did it!
The Rheumatologist looked at my notes, did her observations, asked me some questions and left me with a handful of white things that she assured me would help. I willingly took them. At this point I probably would have taken anything and in that moment, in that place she was write and I started to feel better.
I learnt the things I cannot do when my hands don’t work and realised that I am not bothered by all of them.
- Turn on the tap
- Wipe my bum
- Squeeze the toothpaste tube
- Put on my underwear
- Put my hair in one
- Open the front door
- Connect with people online