Tuesday, August 09, 2005

It's my party!

Hello I’m back and it seems like such a long while since we chatted, but not to worry I’m here now.

So what is it that has kept me so busy and away from my keyboard, well I have to come clean and be perfectly honest with you, I’ve been partying 24 hours a day almost seven days a week since we last spoke and I’m exhausted.

But as I reflect on all of the partying I’ve been doing something about it doesn’t quite feel right, aren’t parties supposed to be about food, good company, drink and celebration?

That’s what I thought!

So how is it that I found myself the guest of honour at a party with a distinct lack of any of the above? And if that wasn’t bad enough it was me who chose the date, organized the bash and arranged the furniture (well on reflection I think mr lupus had something to do with it). Yes you’ve guessed it I’ve been having a pity party and even though the guest list was empty mr lupus still managed to show up.

How did I end up in the middle of this lifeless party season with neither joy nor excitement for company? I don’t know, it just seemed to creep up on me and before I knew it that was how I spent my days. And the terrible thing about pity parties is that they are events you rarely invite anyone to, they leave you drained, exhausted and feeling low and vulnerable.

Each day was very much a reflection of the previous one, empty and lacking in promise and there seemed to be no way out from under it all. Just plenty of TV, lots of lying around and a whole heap of thinking. The trouble with thinking from this place is that your head is full of non productive thoughts that only serve to keep you where you are and due to your lack of meaningful interaction with other people it would be so easy for you to stay stuck in this fruitless party season unless you make a different choice….

And that’s what I did

No amount of analyzing and justifying was ever going to make a difference, change the mood or switch the television off (I think I arrived at this point after having had the television switched on for around 84 hours non stop, well something just had to give). It was all down to me and it required me to take action.

I learnt something really important the day I decided that I need to make a different choice. I learnt that life really is made up of the small things and that’s where I had to start. I set myself small goals and celebrated the success of each one. It wasn’t about society’s or anyone else’s standards, it was about what worked for me and taking it one step at a time.

So one step at the time is all I can do today and everyday. Some days are going to be good days and some are not going to be as good but that’s okay I just need to keep moving after all I am on the road to wellness!

Thought for the day

Eat the elephant one bite at a time


Anonymous said...

Glad You're back. We missed you sooooo much!
Don't stay at parties so long in future!

Anonymous said...