Monday, April 14, 2008

Can you see it?

Sometimes the very things that help us are the things we avoid. I really don’t understand the process particularly as I watch myself time and time again avoid writing about my journey through living and laughing with mr lupus, although I know that crafting words is my gift (it’s important to blow your own trumpet otherwise it will get rusty) and not only does it help me, it also helps others. So today I have issued myself with a challenge to write a little everyday and document this journey in the vain hope that it will not only help me but also help you too.

What is the one thing you can do, even at the height of your battle with mr lupus that gives you some relief or at least distracts you from yet another clash with the enemy?

I’ve got a theory on this one (no surprises there) and yes I am going to lay 100% of the blame at mr lupus’ door (I‘ll check up on my own weaknesses later but for now it‘s mr lupus‘ fault). One of the greatest weapons mr lupus has in his arsenal and uses the most is distraction. he does his best to prevent you from looking at the glass as half full and focuses your attention firmly and squarely on just how bad everything is. Don’t get me wrong I am not trying to trivialise the pain and the challenges he brings, I’m right there with you, what I am saying is that his presence always blocks us from seeing anything else.

For example last week I woke up in pain, you know that debilitating kind of pain where you can’t find a comfortable position to lay in, where horizontal is more preferable to vertical and where sleep no longer wants to hang out with you. I spent the whole day feeling dejected, asking myself questions that were only designed to make me feel bad.

  • Why am I here AGAIN?
  • Is this how my life is always going to be?
  • Am I ever going to be better?
  • How can I ever, earn a living, find a partner etc.

Are any of these questions familiar to you?
I spent a whole day asking them, and refusing to go to hospital as though not going to hospital is step one in my pain management regime. Needless to say after 10 hours (yes I waited that long) I found myself lying uncomfortably on a hospital gurney with my blood pressure unhealthily high and friends looking uncomfortable until the cavalry arrived in the form of pain relief that helped me to drift off to a comfortable sleep and leave the battles with mr lupus for another day.

Could I have written anything at this point, of course not, it was taking all my energy to breath, but it was a point at which I could:

  • Consciously store information to write and share later.
  • Have chosen to recognise that I had been in a similar place before and I had survived!
  • Have recognised the mr lupus distraction technique and remembered the glass is half full even when it is half empty and even when I can’t actually see it.

So I’ve decided that I need to create a ‘lupus recovery kit’ including the things I need to help me through crisis’s like this and make the road to recovery shorter so watch this space as I discover and share what works for me and you discover what you need to help your remember and see the glass as half full.

What are you going to do?
What is the one thing you can do, even at the height of your battle with mr lupus that gives you some relief or at least distracts you from yet another clash with the enemy?

1 comment:

Kath53 said...

I have always been a glass half full person. Lupus has changed that. It used to be my default response, now I have to conciously make that choice. Lupus impacts personality. And as much as I try hard to choose to be positive, I am not always successful.