Friday, May 02, 2008

I just don't care!

I’m up early courtesy of a phone call from a friend to ask the often loaded question “how are you doing today?” Firstly it’s 8am and I’m not awake and secondly I’m living with mr lupus so how would I realy know? I realised that my annoyance with the morning’s interference was not just about it’s inconvenience I mean why would any one who knew me believe that I would be up at that time of the morning and more importantly how could they possibly think I would have anything relevant to say, there was something more.

I don’t think I am very well. I say I don’t think because I can’t quite put my finger on what’s wrong but as I get out the bed I share with ‘stuff’ that I haven’t yet found a place for and I step over things to get to the bathroom I realise that I haven’t tided the house in a while but more disturbingly I don’t seem to care.

I’ve searched the symptoms for lupus and can’t seem to find this as one of the afflictions but I’m sure it should be there as life was never like this pre mr lupus (even though I find it difficult to think that far back) and I find myself increasingly not caring about stuff.

However I have made some progress in the ‘don’t seem to care’ space, I have stopped beating myself up about it (actually now thinking about it that may be just because I don‘t really care), whether it is or it isn’t I am choosing to see this as progress, now all I need is an incentive and a plan. Well I have some people coming to stay in the next 48 hrs so I guess there is nothing like a deadline to get you going.

Now all I need to do is care (or at the very least pretend that I do)!

Is there something that you have been putting off and been avoiding? Let me be your conscience today is your last day of procrastination (there’s no value in it I’ve tried) set yourself a little task, a small step that when taken will bring you nearer to your goal and then reward yourself. That’s it you don’t have to do anything else, unless you want to, until tomorrow.

Let’s hold each other’s hand as we move through the ‘don’t care’ symptom because I am convinced it too shall pass!

No comments: