Sunday, May 18, 2008

It's chronic!

My doctor says this depression is chronic so there you have it another label to add to my long list of symptoms and conditions. I read my doctor’s notes on me once, never again, they have such a way with words and with one small pen stroke they change your life forever. Sure I am having a hard time but does it really need to be defined in such a debilitating way?

I met a friend for drinks and told them of my doctor’s diagnosis (I am simply buying into this by sharing?) and they asked a simple question what exactly is depression and why are you still smiling? I found that I couldn’t quite explain it and mumbled something but was still unable to convince him that I was actually suffering (I choose this word deliberately) from that condition (perhaps that’s part of the problem)

When I went home I checked into the Depression Alliance to find out what this label was. This is what they said: the word 'depression' is used to describe everyday feelings of low mood that can affect us all from time to time. Feeling sad or fed up is a normal reaction to experiences that are upsetting, stressful or difficult; those feelings will usually pass.

If you are affected by depression, you are not 'just' sad or upset. You have an illness which means that intense feeling of persistent sadness, helplessness and hopelessness are accompanied by physical effects such as sleeplessness, a loss of energy, or physical aches and pains.

I guess this explains it all or does it? All of these symptoms are also mr lupus antics so and the intensity of it all in the words of my friend are simply mr lupus buying trimmings to make his stay in my house more comfortable for himself. Where does the mr lupus flare and chronic depression meet? (I now know that chronic isn’t something to worry about, it simply means continuing a long time or recurring frequently) I’m not sure but hope is on the horizon, I have been able to find an oasis in the midst of it all, when I can leave my house that is. I find that when I am with other people, or helping someone else through their problems the overwhelming feelings of ‘helplessness’ dissipate. Maybe I simply need to be forced (forcing myself really isn’t working too well currently) to meet and help people or maybe just start taking antidepressants. I’m not sure about that one so watch this space.

What are you doing?

Depression is a condition it is not a way of life unless you choose it to be. What is your oasis the midst of this madness. I challenge you to find or create one. It really makes a difference even if just a small respite from the daily crap. Let me know what you have found that works for you.

1 comment:

Ida said...

Has your doctor ever considered Sjogren's syndrome? That is what they are thinking I have, since I have the classic dry eyes and mouth, among other things. I have just been tested for Lupus because I have arthritis and neurological problems. I am sure there is one syndrome that can explain everything.