Tuesday, July 05, 2005

Can you dance?

I did it I went another 24hrs without watching TV and I’ve only broken out in cold sweats once today :-)

Today was a good day, particularly since mr lupus left me completely alone to my own devices. It was just a shame that the sun didn’t stay around long enough to help me celebrate. A whole day with no fatigue, no pain, no feeling of unwellness and no lethargy now I could get used to that even though I did keep looking over my shoulder half expecting mr lupus to show up and shout ‘surprise’

I am, however, learning more and more each day how to live in the moment, taking each moment as it comes and worrying less about the previous moment or the one that lies ahead of me. That really is an art form (they should teach classes on it) that will probably always be a work in progress as we seem to have been trained to worry (I know that’s not just me). We worry about what happened, what didn’t happen and what could happen, which begs the question when do we really have the time to live in the present.

Have you ever asked yourself the question what is a worry? After all you can’t see it or touch it but you always feel the impact of its presence, a bit like God but different. The dictionary suggests lots of meanings but I like this one to pull or tear at something with or as if with the teeth, I have no idea what that means but it’s quite dramatic.

Worry, who lives comfortably on Fear Street, is an uneasy feeling or concern about something and let’s face it with a chronic condition that is active there are a lot of fears in operation. Have you stopped to think about yours?

To help put you at ease I’m gonna share with you my fears (well perhaps not all of them. I’ll just focus on the ones that are manifesting themselves as a result of mr lupus). Oh but before I do that let’s get clear on what fear means. Fear = False Expectations Appearing Real. Think about it we are living life based on what could happen and not what is actually happening. In fact we are more interested in the meaning, label and interpretation of what happened rather than getting the most out of what we are currently experiencing.

Now you’re probably thinking that I have totally lost the plot which you could be right about as my mind is not currently what it used to be (which could be a good or a bad thing) but even if this is what you are thinking stay with me on this one because truly living in the moment depends on it.

If worry keeps us troubled and chained to things we cannot control and Fear keeps us moving along a road where our worst nightmares are coming true no wonder we are feeling challenged. There has to be a way to break free from these shackles and that has to be about living in the here and now. That reminds me of a song by Mary Mary called surprisingly enough ‘Shackles’ and the line that immediately springs to mind is Take the shackles off my feet so I can dance…
Maybe that’s it. We are all supposed to dance our way through life and that could be anything from ballet to the waltz and everything in between. So maybe that’s what living in the moment is all about being FREE to dance, to dance with gay abandon, without a care in the world and totally oblivious to what other people are doing or thinking. And maybe just maybe that freedom has nothing to do with mr lupus and so much more to do with choosing to live in the moment.

Oh yea my worries, I’ve forgotten what they are because for me, right now in my moment I am enjoying my life.

Thought for the day
Live the moment and dance like no ones watching

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