Sunday, July 10, 2005

I've made up my mind that's what I want!

Another day managing life with mr lupus. I must say there are times when he really gets on my nerves (well that’s most of the time) and today he is up to his tricks again. As we speak he is caressing my leg and thigh muscles, not the tender touch of someone who cares, on the contrary he is simply taking advantage of my current vulnerabilities (I’m tired, it’s been a long day) but that’s okay I am going to put paid to his antics. I am beginning to get the hang of the sleep thing so I am simply going to go to sleep.

But before I go….

The drugs I’m taking (in fact drugs in general) bring with it a long list of side effects, add to that the effect of mr Lupus and you have a whole list of unpleasantries. In fact my doctor tells me not to read the drug information leaflets, I think she believes that if I read them fully I wouldn’t take the drugs. I can’t imagine why she would think that!

Sometimes though you have to ask yourself which is more preferable the side effects or the condition. I’m still not sure which side of the fence I am on with this one.

In the meantime I’ve decided which one I want, I mean if I am going to have the side effects it would be so much better to have ones that I actually like and ones which would be useful in the wider scheme of things. That’s why I have opted for weight loss. Well according to experts there is the possibility of unexplained weight loss with mr lupus and chemo seems to be a bit of an appetite suppressant so I should be well on the road.

I can visualize it now. The sun is shining gently massaging my skin, as the wind blows softly through my hair. My ears and nose tingle to the smells and sounds of my natural surroundings. All of this set against the backdrop of a bright and colourful sky. I am sitting confidently on the edge of the jetty elegantly clothed in three quarter length white linen pants and short strappy summer top, dangling my well manicured feet into the cool water below, as I look out to sea I hold up a long glass of a thirst quenching tropical cocktail (non alcoholic of course) in hand and give thanks.

So having made up my mind there should be no problem with the loss side of things right? Wrong, I am currently overweight and 8lbs larger than I was two weeks ago? What’s wrong with my theory? Okay I probably need to rethink the equation I obviously didn’t factor in the Prednisolone (which incidentally I have to keep on taking. But that’s okay I’m a fighter so I’ll just have to take matters into my own hands and exercise. Now that’s a whole new ball game and another story but we I’ll save that for another time. In the meantime I’ll just settle for the concept as I have a vision of sun, sea and relaxation to preserve.

Thought for the day

Create a vision of yourself beyond where you are now and use that as your chosen destination. It is always easier to plan a journey when you can see where you are going

1 comment:

nas said...

Now I am getting jealous of Mr Lupus as he gets to spend all day with you, and I haven't even heard your voice today !