Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Chemotherapy is not a pick me up!

This is left over from my summer chemo but I thought I'd share it anyway.

Four and a half hours had gone passed before I finally left the hospital I even had fish and chips for lunch. I am still wondering how hospital kitchens still manage to mess up simple chips (answers on a postcard please) I mean it looked like potato and smelt like potato but something was distinctly lacking from the taste and I know it wasn’t about my taste buds. And the thing that makes me laugh is the line at the bottom of the menu that says I hope you feel better soon clearly this is not going to be with any help from them what so ever so Jaime Oliver we are waiting for you.

Leaving the hospital I was given a warm hug from the sun and I really felt full of the joys of summer in fact I felt the best that I had done in a long time and a lot more like my old familiar self. Whoopee that must mean that things are back on an even keel, I just don’t understand why I ever thought that Chemo would be bad thing. Full of energy I couldn’t decide what to do with myself. I needed to take advantage of this new found energy and drive I treated myself to an ice cream after all this was a celebration and with everyone else beavering away hard at work this was a party I would have to host on my own.

Upon arriving home I decided to sit out in the garden and read a book and get my stuff together for the afternoon cook up. One of the good things that has come out of this is that I am fast becoming a culinary delight in the kitchen Jamie, Nigella, etc would be oh so proud of me.

I made some calls, chatted happily, enjoying my culinary fare and watched television before retiring to the warmth and comfort of my bed.

After a relaxing sleep I awoke the following morning still energized and full of the joys of just being alive. The past few weeks seemed like a dull and distant memory. I was ready to meet the world again on my own terms. I rang up about helping out at an exhibition for the day I could do it I could stand on my feet for 5 hours and exchange friendly banter with stand visitors so why wouldn’t the organizer let me. Something to do with me needing to rest and it being a long day I was convinced she didn’t understand I was feeling and looking like a million dollars (okay maybe I should say more like half a million dollars but anyway pretty good)

After trying unsuccessfully to persuade her that I was right I put the phone down and pondered on how to energetically fill my day. And that was when it happened that spectacular feeling of being hit by a truck and run over by a steam roller yes that euphoric high was obviously a left over from something else probably the Prednisolone kick. Chemo hit me with all guns blazing; I even had to go back to hospital to check out whether that feeling was normal, apparently this is all perfectly normal which challenges my whole definition of what normal really is. But an upside is that I did learn a valuable lesson that day. The Tortoise in its’ race with the hare had the right idea, everything in moderation, pace yourself and you will always be a winner.

Thought for the day
Learn to pace yourself make sure brain and body are engaged before taking action. Sometimes your body doesn’t hold up its end of the bargain


Catherine said...

good for you... your attitude will determine how well you cope with this situation. sounds like you're doing well in that department.

i see you understand the importance of self care, patience, journaling, gratitude, and normalcy. you've got all the makings of an enlightened person!

nice to read. :) keep it up!

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