How important are you?

mr lupus has a lot to answer for, there has been so much stuff happening in my life. My life as I know it has changed and is still changing. Each day brings a new challenge to overcome and the need to find a new coping mechanism but in spite of it all the ups and downs I have gained a new insight, a new clarity I guess it’s a bit like a detox or how I expect the colonic irrigation thing would work where that green gunk is removed from your system and you have to deal with the awful results before you see a new and improved you. It’s been painful and smelly, who am I kidding, it’s still painful and smelly.

But I can say that I now know what emotions are all about (well almost). I’ve been crying from a different part of my being, probably more of a spiritual catharsis, giving a new kind of clarity where everything really is simple and we are the ones that make it complicated. I think it’s when we add too much choice into things that it all gets complicated. Limit the choice and it’s all simple.

I’ve also discovered the meaning of revelation. It is not a bolt out of the blue as I thought it’s a slow process, it’s exposure, a new discovery and I don’t think you ever get fully revealed to you’re just open to another discovery another revelation, it’s often hard to explain, like that light bulb or ah ha moment, but somehow it is surprisingly simple, healing, and healthy.

Have you ever stopped to ask yourself "how important am I really in the scheme of things?"

I’ve going to let you into a secret the answer is ‘not very I’m afraid’ sorry. I think even I got caught up in my own self importance but I had a very abrupt awaking recently, well it was a bit like being slapped in the face with a wet smelly fish not that I have ever been slapped by a smelly fish but I think that would be an extremely unpleasant experience.

During one of mr lupus’ particularly testing times, I stayed a few days in hospital and whilst I was there one of the patients died. She had cancer and her relatives were expecting her to die but somehow expecting it doesn’t ever really prepare you for it or for what is going to come afterwards. The relatives kept vigil day and night to ensure that their loved one was not alone as she passed from this world to the next and then it happened, she died. It still hit them for six and they were uncontrollable with grief. The relatives filed through the ward saying goodbye to patients thanking doctors and closed the door on another chapter in their lives. I went to the toilet and looked across at the drawn curtains with a sadness in my heart how come we were at an advanced age and we still had no power to change this outcome? Guess we’re not supposed to!

I went to bed that night thinking about the revolving door of life and giving thanks for another day and vowing to make the most of the next. (funny how we always make promises at times like this) When I woke up the next morning the ward was the same, I sauntered down to the toilet with sleep still in my eyes and looked at the across at the bed only to find that there was already someone occupying the space, someone oblivious to the previous day’s activities.

Life really does just go rolling on, don’t get me wrong that really is a good thing, but don’t you wish just once that it would stop and make a courtesy call to say hi to you and acknowledge the way you feel, or maybe that’s just me, although I don’t really think that I am alone on this one.

Thought for today
Life is a journey not a destination. Make your journey count.